Although I havent cried yet ( Kind of shocked but maybe Im not going to...) but for some reason this picture just seemed fitting...I was going to write my blog yesterday but I was trying to just keep my mind off of everything. For the most part it worked. I had a little set back I gave in and texted him back, but nothing major. I realized yesterday how hard this is going to be because I also realized a little part of me didnt/doesnt want to let him go. I love/d him... but I needed to forget that. I deleted him from my phone book and everything else except I still had all the text messages which also meant I still had his number. I had EVERY text message he and I have ever sent each other, some of those I really didnt want to forget about. So I did a bad thing and reread ALL of them. I got a decent way through them when I woke myself up and was like WTF are you doing? how is this helping you? I knew it wasn't so right then and there I deleted them...ALL of them....gone! Besides those messages that used to make me smile and fall for him even more being gone...also thrown away with those was his number. Yep I no long have his phone number. I think it might be in my computer because of the iPhone but I have no desire to check...because at this point I dont even remember it and Im content with that.
So Im going out tonight... the only bad thing about it is Im going out in Orlando. I always go see him when Im in Orlando. Part of me wants to call him or email him and tell him to come out or that same part of me wants to accidently run into him but I know its not worth it. He's got his youngin.....they can go out to chuckie cheese the once in a blue moon they will get to see eachother considering shes young and lives in Ohio... haha thats so horrible of me but Im just over it! Oh! I sent her an email....I know shes on vacay in florida right now because he finally met her so she hasnt read it yet, but i basicly just told her I know that I am the last person she wants to hear from but there are some things she needs to know.... hes gunna hate me but at this point I really dont care.... he turned me into this person I never wanted to be, and like my cousin said he has done more harm than good. Even though I love/d him I have come to the conclusion I really really dont need him in my life. He always wanted to be the guy I turned to with every little thing...and would get mad when I told him he wasn't that guy... now I know that was his way of holding on... but he needed to make up his mind and he never will....So this is day 2 of not speaking or having contact......and so far so good... I feel a little sad here and there but it will all be fine =) Goodbye.
"It's never enough to say I'm sorry It's never enough to say I care....Trying to turn around on a one way street I can't give you what you want And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see Maybe we're not meant to be It's never enough to say I love you No, it's never enough to say I try It's hard to believe that's there's No way out for you and me And it seems to be, The story of our life....There's still time to turn this around Should we be building this up Instead of tearing it down But I keep thinking Maybe it's too late....Maybe were not meant to be...." Theory of a Deadman
No comments:
Post a Comment