Its been a while... and it is sad to say but I have needed this blog more than anything right now. So I let him back in my life... well he found his way back in and I am too emotionally drained (for various reasons) to fight against it. I am trying not to let him be that guy that I turn to but he's getting mad. We had a talk the other night about her and everything. Apparently she doesn't want him talking to me (which we knew) but he told me he can't do that...I doubt he told her that but thats what he said to me. I asked him why he couldn't not talk to me and he couldn't give me an answer. All he said was I can't do that, I just can't. It just kills me because I doubt she knows. I'm glad he's happy, and deep down I do hope we can be friends but at the same time I hate him lying to her just to be my friend. Idk I guess I got a lot to think about.
So I've had some major major meltdowns this week... Not like crying meltdowns but they were depression meltdowns... I thought three weeks ago was bad.... This blew it away. Guess who came to my rescue?!? Yep of course he did. Then when I wouldn't tell him what was on my mind or bothering me he got all pissed and when he said he was worried about me I told him not to be and he said WTF and just got mad. I want to tell him he's not that guy in my life anymore but I just don't know how.
This trip as ALMOST been a disaster... I realized a lot about myself and my family... Some peoples true colors came out......and some people finally finally realized some extremely important things about a lot of situations. I have A LOT A LOT of thinking to do. And on top of everything. The guy I have been "seeing/talking" to texted me today just to say Hi and the other day he did the same so we were chatting and what not and then when I brought up hanging out he was like working and I was like ok and hes like oh yeah I got a girl now too. Hahaha I was like awww thats good =) lmao Im such a sarcastic person some times. hahaha
I really need to figure a lot of things out because these feelings and thoughts I have inside aren't good....And this time I really think I passed my breaking point...
Anyway Back to Florida tomorrow actually in a few hours!!
"I run my life...or is it running me? Run from my past, I run too fast. Or too slow it seems. When lies become the truth. Thats when I run to You.....This world keeps spinning faster, to a new disaster so I run to you.........When it all starts coming undone... you're the only one I run to, I run to you..." Lady Antebellum...I Run To You
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